theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
