I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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