He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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