Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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