Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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