You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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