Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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