marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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