Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
