Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
