And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
