Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
