Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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