i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just pynch a tree in the face
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
