dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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