I haven't been this sober since birth.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
