What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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