escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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