Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
