i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
