i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
