My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
