I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
