The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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