You're completely useless in the revolution.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
