I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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