You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
