Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
