my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
