Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
