Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
