I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
