is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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