Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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