it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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