one might say we're banned from that church
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
