So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Someone shattered a urinal.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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