but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
