You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
