does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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