I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
