Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
