Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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