Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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