we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
