If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
