even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
