there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
