I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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