my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
